Dear Younger Me
by Jennifer Brooks-Hardy, CMPS, Peer Support Coordinator
“Dear Younger Me,
I am sorry that you have to walk dark nights all alone, trading with strangers and dark forces. I am sorry I put you in danger and leave you naked and exposed. I am sorry that I abandon you to the devices of those with only their own instincts to be concerned with. If I could tell you one thing, it would be this – hold on. Hold on to that tiny glimmer of faith that glows as just an ember deep under neath all the garbage that is surrounding you right now. Every single prayer that you utter is heard and an army is being formed – it is gearing up right now for an epic battle on your behalf, gearing up to pull you right up out of these ashes and set your feet firmly upon a mountain. It is gearing up to hand you a torch that you can light the way for others. Hold on. The suffocating grip of the death that surrounds you is soon to be broken.
Your Future Self”
This week my family had a house fire. Our large shed next to the house burned to the ground. It held many precious possessions. What has touched me the most through the experience is the symbolism of the whole disaster. I look at this pile of ruin in the backyard and I literally see my life. The destruction of things that once were whole. And the gratefulness that my home and the things that really matter like my family remain whole and untouched and perhaps a little more unified than before. I see in this my past – where my life once felt like a pile of garbage and I was buried somewhere underneath with barely a breath of prayer left, I cried out out, “Please, help me”. I see that every prayer that was uttered in every dark room was heard and that a way was being made for me to get out. A way was being made for me to heal. A way was being made for me to have a better life than I had ever dreamed of.
What was lost in me was nothing more than a preparation for a stronger, more uniquely shaped and whole me. I am grateful now for the process, and though it at times be very painful, I can see today that through every difficult experience I am being fine-tuned into a more useful instrument for His greater good.
Today I continue to choose to remain surrendered and walk right up out of the ashes. And I remain convinced that every single experience God allows my way is shaping me into someone I couldn’t have imagined becoming :)